Saturday, April 22, 2006
Back from cell meeting...
Today had cell, finally... after last one was cancelled last minute... today covered on pdl chp 20 "Restoring broken relationship"... Felt super bad and guilty, not because i didnt prepared for the session today, but rather having had my cgl to take over the facililating today. was suspose to do today... but... Having entertained such tots for quite some while, am thinking of the consequences which i know it clearly, so was still deliberating whether to say or not??? Some way along my journey, i do have broken relationships with my basics or even friends or with my closest family, but this time round, it really hit me hard... it's not just that 1 broken relationship, but also a couple at the same time... aiyah... plus at work...
Think, i'm really burnt-out from work... simply too tired to show my concern, too tired to do the things that i used to enjoy, tired to look forward to tomorrow.... guess my family, n coleks are the best witnesses to the state i'm in. Who to blame?? guess it would be myself!!! for over-pushing myself... 1 of my other colek can felt the same, sometimes when work is over-whelming, we will just lament to each other... aiyah, both of us justed sitted very closed, actually, right behind my working desk. as what we can say "ku zhong zhuo le".
Just closed my dreaded final accounts, finally!!! =) it's something off my working task... i can breathe better easy now... but as my another proj CAT2, coming to completion this June, got another big final account to close... oh gosh, can imagine, the big load of work to do ( cannot imagine clearing all the mess in the final statements, and the VOs etc....) i have to pity my new colek, who's going to take over e current QS who's handling on financial statements, and RFAV stuffs.... with so much mess to clear after her when she leave next month... hmmm, it's e colek that i dont see eye to eye... (H)... my cg pp can identify with her since i used to complain abt her in the past during CG... cannot tahan this colek, who will be leaving the firm soon... she's was the only person who knows what happened to the financial part until my boss (CL) took over as the pqs for this project... but dun wanna say, but she's extreme in protecting her work, until she put a password to her folder that nobody cannot access except her... until i cannot helped, but went to my pqs to complain, then she in turn went to our AD, which he told her off... i'm also restricted in helping doing with the VOs stuffs since she doesnt wants the team to know until we ask... n she's quite selective in giving the information to... okay, enuff of my complains... with her departure, i'm the 3rd most senior in my team, with 7 new birds. most of those who long-stayer had already left this year.
Today, one of my class-mates from SP left, for brighter future elsewhere... this year, many of the familar faces has gone... am quite lost abt my future... had to do something... (dun know what to do but pray)
Hmmmm, was been barred from blog from office... so dun have much choice, but to blog at home... so the frequency will be much reduced... but not to worry, will still find time to blog.
Actually, i'm quite thankful, the support that i had during this period... from my DL and my dear frens. encouragements, prayer supports etc... i dun wanna let myself keep sinking downwards... Just as i saw how deep my valley is, i'm expecting to climb that high mountain too... life has it's down and ups... esp my DL... who keep on encouraging me, spurring me on... when i'm about to give up. BSF helps as the promises from God... Shared with my BSF frens from one of the thoughts from the lessons draw from the book of Genesis... when God command Noel to build a ark, because he cannot stand the wickness of his creation.... He gives Noel 120 years to build the ark, when the whole family of Noel, and both the clean n unclean animals entered into the ark, and after shutting the door, God does not sent in the rain immediately... Instead he waited for another 7 days, before all His wrath came as in the form of flood. One thing that i learnt that no matter how many times or how much i sinned against God, God will always be so patient to give me 2nd chance to enter into that ark again... but not too long before God came to judge again... and i'm thankful for that. God loves His people too much to see them perish in their own sins... (even when He has decided to send the huge flood to end all mankind, he still wants them to repent of their sins and come back to Him, having waited patiently for 120 years... and 7 days b4 he sent in the flood)... same happened at the Tower of Babel... he waited patiently for his people to repent... another lesson i got from this espisode was that no matter how many plans/ideas that i have (i'm trying to do the things my way), if God really wants His way/plan to happen, all my affects of me trying to do on my own will be void. (but God will be patient to wait for me to return back to Him willingly rather that He imposed His way on me)... but i should not take that for granted. Though now, i may not have the answer right now, it's will be His good and perfect timing that His Will be done, not mine... Only then will i be able to share further.
Think, i'm really burnt-out from work... simply too tired to show my concern, too tired to do the things that i used to enjoy, tired to look forward to tomorrow.... guess my family, n coleks are the best witnesses to the state i'm in. Who to blame?? guess it would be myself!!! for over-pushing myself... 1 of my other colek can felt the same, sometimes when work is over-whelming, we will just lament to each other... aiyah, both of us justed sitted very closed, actually, right behind my working desk. as what we can say "ku zhong zhuo le".
Just closed my dreaded final accounts, finally!!! =) it's something off my working task... i can breathe better easy now... but as my another proj CAT2, coming to completion this June, got another big final account to close... oh gosh, can imagine, the big load of work to do ( cannot imagine clearing all the mess in the final statements, and the VOs etc....) i have to pity my new colek, who's going to take over e current QS who's handling on financial statements, and RFAV stuffs.... with so much mess to clear after her when she leave next month... hmmm, it's e colek that i dont see eye to eye... (H)... my cg pp can identify with her since i used to complain abt her in the past during CG... cannot tahan this colek, who will be leaving the firm soon... she's was the only person who knows what happened to the financial part until my boss (CL) took over as the pqs for this project... but dun wanna say, but she's extreme in protecting her work, until she put a password to her folder that nobody cannot access except her... until i cannot helped, but went to my pqs to complain, then she in turn went to our AD, which he told her off... i'm also restricted in helping doing with the VOs stuffs since she doesnt wants the team to know until we ask... n she's quite selective in giving the information to... okay, enuff of my complains... with her departure, i'm the 3rd most senior in my team, with 7 new birds. most of those who long-stayer had already left this year.
Today, one of my class-mates from SP left, for brighter future elsewhere... this year, many of the familar faces has gone... am quite lost abt my future... had to do something... (dun know what to do but pray)
Hmmmm, was been barred from blog from office... so dun have much choice, but to blog at home... so the frequency will be much reduced... but not to worry, will still find time to blog.
Actually, i'm quite thankful, the support that i had during this period... from my DL and my dear frens. encouragements, prayer supports etc... i dun wanna let myself keep sinking downwards... Just as i saw how deep my valley is, i'm expecting to climb that high mountain too... life has it's down and ups... esp my DL... who keep on encouraging me, spurring me on... when i'm about to give up. BSF helps as the promises from God... Shared with my BSF frens from one of the thoughts from the lessons draw from the book of Genesis... when God command Noel to build a ark, because he cannot stand the wickness of his creation.... He gives Noel 120 years to build the ark, when the whole family of Noel, and both the clean n unclean animals entered into the ark, and after shutting the door, God does not sent in the rain immediately... Instead he waited for another 7 days, before all His wrath came as in the form of flood. One thing that i learnt that no matter how many times or how much i sinned against God, God will always be so patient to give me 2nd chance to enter into that ark again... but not too long before God came to judge again... and i'm thankful for that. God loves His people too much to see them perish in their own sins... (even when He has decided to send the huge flood to end all mankind, he still wants them to repent of their sins and come back to Him, having waited patiently for 120 years... and 7 days b4 he sent in the flood)... same happened at the Tower of Babel... he waited patiently for his people to repent... another lesson i got from this espisode was that no matter how many plans/ideas that i have (i'm trying to do the things my way), if God really wants His way/plan to happen, all my affects of me trying to do on my own will be void. (but God will be patient to wait for me to return back to Him willingly rather that He imposed His way on me)... but i should not take that for granted. Though now, i may not have the answer right now, it's will be His good and perfect timing that His Will be done, not mine... Only then will i be able to share further.
Comments:
Post a Comment
