Saturday, May 06, 2006
Unearthly hours in Office...
Am preparing to go home but..... after a super long day at work today... n at last finished all my tender documents...
Genna missed CG again... =(
if not for work??
Dun feel like going home, so that's y am sticking my bum to my comfortable chair, with good back support...
It's been a long day, of frustrations, quarrels, disagreements and stuffs... Was almost at e verge of giving up.... having to endure hurts after hurts... emotional bombs thrown at me almost every minute from my "direct boss", never mind if i make mistakes, but when no mistakes from me and all the blame/hurtful words from her mouth, all genna shoot back on me and i have to bear it all... i really dreaded it when times when my boss just give me silent treatment when i dun even know e reasons y she does that... esp when i need to discuss with her.... for no good reasons, she will find something to find fault with me... not referring to work, but rather personal attacks... i wont know if she find faults with me, and yet didnt want to tell me, then i will still be in dark and she will one day cannot tahan and explode... i dun even know y she exploded at me??? mentally shattered, physically tired... if i could find a hole in the ground, am very glad to jump into it now...
though both of us were quite stressed up and words that stabbed right into e hearts sometimes flew about... but still, i'm really appreciated her afforts to guide me along in preparing a lump sum contract even though i have never had got a chance until now.. am i'm grateful to her for her patience and perservence when i'm learning e ropes all these while... even since she join T2U project and D.Park final account.
I do have to admit sometimes my actions can really irks her, to the point of her exploding... hmmm, i wrote about my weakness but didnt mentioned them... i have to admit that i'm quite a prideful person, times when i did make mistakes in my work and yet refused to acknowledge when confronted... am really a stubborn and "strong-headed" person labelled by others... even though know that i'm at fault, i will still insist in doing my way... i'm not a very tidy worker at work, my coleks are best witnesses... and my boss can get very irriated e way i do my work... of course, during this while... have been learning to relearn and humbled to admit my mistakes... actually, i realised that selective listening do me no good but more harm... am trying very heard to get rid of that... Not forgetting I'm still "in progress" product towards perfection...
It hurts me much more when i have to shoot back at her during times when i just simply cannot tahan any more or times when i left with no choice but to quarrel with her or we disagreed... she's e sort must win, but some times, i will hold on to my agruement and explosions of verbal abuse... Perhap, both of us were also quite low-stress tolorence...
Try means of reconcilations... only left me further hurts and with tears... just couldnt bear any more...
If i only know how to handle those times of conflicts earlier, at least still can salvage this friendship....aiyah...but now relationship with my direct boss is beyond repair... i got have myself to blame for all these, a lots of Ys flashed thru my mind? Y i do this? Y i must do that? Y??? Just simply too tired to get things right now...
Also at lunch time, as i just tabao lunch back... my AD wants to talk to me... firstly is my OT claims... which i'm helping out my CL to get e tender doc (which i can claim OT- it's payable)... genna ask y i need to claim so much OT? after i replied that i only claim that miserable 12hrs of OT for last month, he shutted up his mouth... (y?? course he didnt see my OT, instead he looked at the overall project claims which also includes the normal working hours lah)... ask for even more ridiculous stuffs like supporting documents from my boss's instructions/clients' instructions... come on mah, most of the instructions from my direct boss is often verbal... where can i find for him? without even give me e chance to explain, he rejected my OT claim for this week and warn me not to work OT too often(mind u, i work for almost 15hrs for this week)... crazy mah, if i got a choice, i'm not that gian to work... if not trying to rush out e tender and with clients's lotsa of chances every day...
y am i working so hard when my boss(AD) suspects me of dun know what... and dun even appreciated my work... He just simply biased against those get into his back books, and i have geena find myname inside this book... am too tired to reason with him, cause he will just simply shut off his ears... Not only that he likes to compare me and other AQS, if not that we doing on e same project or compared on the same basis?? Never mind, if he says that he's disappoints in me for no reasons today??? but to shoot me at my belief in God, i dun know what to say... okay, i should say that, i'm not a fantastic christian employee at my workplace... but to say that i'm a false witness for Christ is like... i dun know what to say... i too fall as a christian but i genna condemned because of that??? if he can substantiate his arguements with true facts, maybe i have nothing to say... but like that can come out from a brother (much older christian)?? he's not that fantastic witness for Christ too? what really boils my blood was trying to be a nice guy by giving me solutions for that?? study e Word, praying for myself, asking people to pray for me?? for goodness sake, i dun need u to tell me that lor... of course, when basic whom i can trust, i will easily say that i will need help in this area, but pls lor... my boss??
Thoughts of leaving seems louder each day... I just have no more energy for all these!!! Sianz... but then i dun know what lies ahead?? so stay put for e meanwhile... have ever mentioned that i wont stay here beyond 1 year, 1 year has passed... coming to 1 1/2 years... hopefully wont go beyond 2 years... guess, so even if i stay longer than that.. i dun know my future will be???
Genna missed CG again... =(
if not for work??
Dun feel like going home, so that's y am sticking my bum to my comfortable chair, with good back support...
It's been a long day, of frustrations, quarrels, disagreements and stuffs... Was almost at e verge of giving up.... having to endure hurts after hurts... emotional bombs thrown at me almost every minute from my "direct boss", never mind if i make mistakes, but when no mistakes from me and all the blame/hurtful words from her mouth, all genna shoot back on me and i have to bear it all... i really dreaded it when times when my boss just give me silent treatment when i dun even know e reasons y she does that... esp when i need to discuss with her.... for no good reasons, she will find something to find fault with me... not referring to work, but rather personal attacks... i wont know if she find faults with me, and yet didnt want to tell me, then i will still be in dark and she will one day cannot tahan and explode... i dun even know y she exploded at me??? mentally shattered, physically tired... if i could find a hole in the ground, am very glad to jump into it now...
though both of us were quite stressed up and words that stabbed right into e hearts sometimes flew about... but still, i'm really appreciated her afforts to guide me along in preparing a lump sum contract even though i have never had got a chance until now.. am i'm grateful to her for her patience and perservence when i'm learning e ropes all these while... even since she join T2U project and D.Park final account.
I do have to admit sometimes my actions can really irks her, to the point of her exploding... hmmm, i wrote about my weakness but didnt mentioned them... i have to admit that i'm quite a prideful person, times when i did make mistakes in my work and yet refused to acknowledge when confronted... am really a stubborn and "strong-headed" person labelled by others... even though know that i'm at fault, i will still insist in doing my way... i'm not a very tidy worker at work, my coleks are best witnesses... and my boss can get very irriated e way i do my work... of course, during this while... have been learning to relearn and humbled to admit my mistakes... actually, i realised that selective listening do me no good but more harm... am trying very heard to get rid of that... Not forgetting I'm still "in progress" product towards perfection...
It hurts me much more when i have to shoot back at her during times when i just simply cannot tahan any more or times when i left with no choice but to quarrel with her or we disagreed... she's e sort must win, but some times, i will hold on to my agruement and explosions of verbal abuse... Perhap, both of us were also quite low-stress tolorence...
Try means of reconcilations... only left me further hurts and with tears... just couldnt bear any more...
If i only know how to handle those times of conflicts earlier, at least still can salvage this friendship....aiyah...but now relationship with my direct boss is beyond repair... i got have myself to blame for all these, a lots of Ys flashed thru my mind? Y i do this? Y i must do that? Y??? Just simply too tired to get things right now...
Also at lunch time, as i just tabao lunch back... my AD wants to talk to me... firstly is my OT claims... which i'm helping out my CL to get e tender doc (which i can claim OT- it's payable)... genna ask y i need to claim so much OT? after i replied that i only claim that miserable 12hrs of OT for last month, he shutted up his mouth... (y?? course he didnt see my OT, instead he looked at the overall project claims which also includes the normal working hours lah)... ask for even more ridiculous stuffs like supporting documents from my boss's instructions/clients' instructions... come on mah, most of the instructions from my direct boss is often verbal... where can i find for him? without even give me e chance to explain, he rejected my OT claim for this week and warn me not to work OT too often(mind u, i work for almost 15hrs for this week)... crazy mah, if i got a choice, i'm not that gian to work... if not trying to rush out e tender and with clients's lotsa of chances every day...
y am i working so hard when my boss(AD) suspects me of dun know what... and dun even appreciated my work... He just simply biased against those get into his back books, and i have geena find myname inside this book... am too tired to reason with him, cause he will just simply shut off his ears... Not only that he likes to compare me and other AQS, if not that we doing on e same project or compared on the same basis?? Never mind, if he says that he's disappoints in me for no reasons today??? but to shoot me at my belief in God, i dun know what to say... okay, i should say that, i'm not a fantastic christian employee at my workplace... but to say that i'm a false witness for Christ is like... i dun know what to say... i too fall as a christian but i genna condemned because of that??? if he can substantiate his arguements with true facts, maybe i have nothing to say... but like that can come out from a brother (much older christian)?? he's not that fantastic witness for Christ too? what really boils my blood was trying to be a nice guy by giving me solutions for that?? study e Word, praying for myself, asking people to pray for me?? for goodness sake, i dun need u to tell me that lor... of course, when basic whom i can trust, i will easily say that i will need help in this area, but pls lor... my boss??
Thoughts of leaving seems louder each day... I just have no more energy for all these!!! Sianz... but then i dun know what lies ahead?? so stay put for e meanwhile... have ever mentioned that i wont stay here beyond 1 year, 1 year has passed... coming to 1 1/2 years... hopefully wont go beyond 2 years... guess, so even if i stay longer than that.. i dun know my future will be???
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