A Time to Reflect with Thanksgiving.

Today, almost drove my superior up to the wall... guess what i did??? Aiyah...

Dun wanna share here, too exposed to a lot of people, and my direct boss may get access to it since i often blog in office and she has saw it before...

Aiyah, during this espiode, then do realised my shortcomings... guess it's has become a huge obstacle in my workplace not just to my personal life!!! it was thru this 2 people who told me, if not i cannot imagine the consequences of my actions... one is really a truthful brother and the other is thru my current colek. At first, i just know of my shortcoming, but never would i expect that it's my tumbling block now...

I'm too shocked to continue... need time to be back to reality... =(

Just in time to blog in something b4 i will leave office for the day....

since i can blog from my office again... =)
yeah, counting down to my rest from work this weekend, wondering how i should spend my weekend this coming week? and not forgetting that Monday also a public holiday, but still got BSF... aiyah... =( Actually, am thinking of going to ECP, for a cycle and a well deserved break from work and seeking time with the Lord... really missed the sea, the waves and the breeze blowing at my face, one of my fav spot at ECP is at the spot very near to the golf course where plane can just flew directly above my head and the jetty of course. hmmm, one of the slightly quieter spot when it's quite deserted, i do go there sometimes...

Shall be looking forward to this day! and also pay day, pocket's emptied liao... so broke this month!!!

Today had cell, finally... after last one was cancelled last minute... today covered on pdl chp 20 "Restoring broken relationship"... Felt super bad and guilty, not because i didnt prepared for the session today, but rather having had my cgl to take over the facililating today. was suspose to do today... but... Having entertained such tots for quite some while, am thinking of the consequences which i know it clearly, so was still deliberating whether to say or not??? Some way along my journey, i do have broken relationships with my basics or even friends or with my closest family, but this time round, it really hit me hard... it's not just that 1 broken relationship, but also a couple at the same time... aiyah... plus at work...

Think, i'm really burnt-out from work... simply too tired to show my concern, too tired to do the things that i used to enjoy, tired to look forward to tomorrow.... guess my family, n coleks are the best witnesses to the state i'm in. Who to blame?? guess it would be myself!!! for over-pushing myself... 1 of my other colek can felt the same, sometimes when work is over-whelming, we will just lament to each other... aiyah, both of us justed sitted very closed, actually, right behind my working desk. as what we can say "ku zhong zhuo le".

Just closed my dreaded final accounts, finally!!! =) it's something off my working task... i can breathe better easy now... but as my another proj CAT2, coming to completion this June, got another big final account to close... oh gosh, can imagine, the big load of work to do ( cannot imagine clearing all the mess in the final statements, and the VOs etc....) i have to pity my new colek, who's going to take over e current QS who's handling on financial statements, and RFAV stuffs.... with so much mess to clear after her when she leave next month... hmmm, it's e colek that i dont see eye to eye... (H)... my cg pp can identify with her since i used to complain abt her in the past during CG... cannot tahan this colek, who will be leaving the firm soon... she's was the only person who knows what happened to the financial part until my boss (CL) took over as the pqs for this project... but dun wanna say, but she's extreme in protecting her work, until she put a password to her folder that nobody cannot access except her... until i cannot helped, but went to my pqs to complain, then she in turn went to our AD, which he told her off... i'm also restricted in helping doing with the VOs stuffs since she doesnt wants the team to know until we ask... n she's quite selective in giving the information to... okay, enuff of my complains... with her departure, i'm the 3rd most senior in my team, with 7 new birds. most of those who long-stayer had already left this year.
Today, one of my class-mates from SP left, for brighter future elsewhere... this year, many of the familar faces has gone... am quite lost abt my future... had to do something... (dun know what to do but pray)

Hmmmm, was been barred from blog from office... so dun have much choice, but to blog at home... so the frequency will be much reduced... but not to worry, will still find time to blog.

Actually, i'm quite thankful, the support that i had during this period... from my DL and my dear frens. encouragements, prayer supports etc... i dun wanna let myself keep sinking downwards... Just as i saw how deep my valley is, i'm expecting to climb that high mountain too... life has it's down and ups... esp my DL... who keep on encouraging me, spurring me on... when i'm about to give up. BSF helps as the promises from God... Shared with my BSF frens from one of the thoughts from the lessons draw from the book of Genesis... when God command Noel to build a ark, because he cannot stand the wickness of his creation.... He gives Noel 120 years to build the ark, when the whole family of Noel, and both the clean n unclean animals entered into the ark, and after shutting the door, God does not sent in the rain immediately... Instead he waited for another 7 days, before all His wrath came as in the form of flood. One thing that i learnt that no matter how many times or how much i sinned against God, God will always be so patient to give me 2nd chance to enter into that ark again... but not too long before God came to judge again... and i'm thankful for that. God loves His people too much to see them perish in their own sins... (even when He has decided to send the huge flood to end all mankind, he still wants them to repent of their sins and come back to Him, having waited patiently for 120 years... and 7 days b4 he sent in the flood)... same happened at the Tower of Babel... he waited patiently for his people to repent... another lesson i got from this espisode was that no matter how many plans/ideas that i have (i'm trying to do the things my way), if God really wants His way/plan to happen, all my affects of me trying to do on my own will be void. (but God will be patient to wait for me to return back to Him willingly rather that He imposed His way on me)... but i should not take that for granted. Though now, i may not have the answer right now, it's will be His good and perfect timing that His Will be done, not mine... Only then will i be able to share further.

Just back from today's Maundy thursday svc... (dun know got spelling mistakes)... and after washing my clothes... dun wanna leave it to stinks until tmr morning.... =P

anyway it's been quite a while since i last blog a long blog... due to the fact that i'm weared out from working days and days of working overtime to near to midnight or past midnight... the duration of working such a lengthy hours left me really really tired and frustrated and anti-social during office hours and outside office hours... until i cannot tahan and decided enuff is enuff, i'm not going to slog myself to death like that lor... this week had been a relatively short OT everyday, managed to catch some of the 9pm tv series if i'm on time to catch and watch "Dachangjin".... hmmm, dachangjin is a must watch for both my mum and sister.... so this week since i'm home early, just timely to watch, so i also join in the crowd to watch... at first quite lost, then managed to catch the story line... Why i say frustrated? not able to fully concentrated during works and mistakes starts popping out... simple , yet glaring mistakes that i have made in the estimate for the pre-tendering stage, which i wont make lor... hmmm, of course, my boss not really happy that i left office at abt 8.30 plus... maybe to her is just simply too early... plus almost everyone of my team work near to midnight everyday... i just can salute my team-mates who can slog and slog everyday til midnight can still so "alive" during daytime... one of close fren sitting right behind me, who had just taken over a project, also at the calling of tendering lamented that she also got at most 3-4 hours of sleep everyday, working to 2-3am then went home, sleep few hours then back to office again... no wonder she's been taking those "powered" drink... anyway, thank God... it's Good Friday today... time for me to rest physically and time to make up with God... for all the sins that i have commited... a time of reflections and thanksgiving. a right time that i can have a broken relationship restored with God thru my personal Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Yeah, today... went to CAT2 for site valuation with my boss... recently had a series of misunderstandings and disagreements and quarrels with her... was reading the PDL yesterday night, was suspose to lead last week, but missed it due to work commitments... it's actually to do my BSF daily lessons and end up i pick up the pdl book to read... anyway, read that chp... it's about restoring broken relationship with fellow basic... a reminder for me that i needed to do something abt it... yet, i haven done anything til now... will have to do it somehow, but just dun know how to!!! Yeah, as was having dinner just now b4 the svc, they will discussing abt something relating to good friday and easter sunday... just after been prompted... after a while, i realised that my boss and i also discussed this morning during our waiting at Mac for our main contractor to come... anyway, i pops up quite a number of questions relating to good friday until my boss "surrenders"... til now, i still cant understand what's good friday... a interesting and min and heart searching for today and tmr.

Ya, my blog is abt WASH... not that i blog this after washing my clothes, but it's rather got to do with the topic that was been preached today. It's was before Jesus was been crucified that wanted to do something extraordinally for his disciples by washing their feet. Responses from some like simon peter , refusing to allow Jesus to wash his feet... Jesus want his disciples to follow his footsteps by serving each other... (not physically washing feets but rather service)... Though that Jesus knew that he's going to be betrayed by one of his disciples and denied by the other and the rest got deserted him, Jesus still chose to avaiable himself and do down to the lowest of a slave and wash their feet with humility. Guess that without humility, Jesus wont be able to go from a teacher to a slave position and wash his disciples' feet. What will be my response today? a willingness to serve with humility towards my basic and many of my pre-believing friends and coleks and not forgetting my family members.
W- Willingness
A-Available
S- Service
H- Humility
"A willing and available & grateful servant acts out of graditude for service with humility" (My own version).

Am getting used to working OT til wee hours now.... but body dun seems to agree with my working habits... Just fell sick 3 days ago, though it's a sign from my body is failing, but yet i have no choice but to work OT... everything have been very rushed, from closing a final account to helping out in the tendering for a new job within the same project... guess i'm just burnt-out!!!

Yeah, missed cell today... felt so guilty about it esp when i am suspose to be doing something... =(
Have to get back work... to finish off what i'm have to finish by today.