A Time to Reflect with Thanksgiving.

Blast-Nearly blast me off... My bicep and esp my triceps are really aching... guess not from my boxes but receiving strong punches my from boxing partner.... but anyway it's really a good exercise, though didnt managed to sweat much as compared to KB... the workout is few times productive than my workout at gym on my triceps.... am very tempted to go for the class next friday, but got cell... aiyah, quite missed the sessions with only less than 10 pp in the class as compared to a normal aerobics class of at least 25 people and above... since i most likely wont signed up another package with Amore as i find it now quite a struggle to make time for class...

Not so good if got stuffs caught up in office and aiyah have to miss lunch just to finish and rush off for class or leave the uncompleted work until the next working day... Always felt a sense of guilt esp when i see my senior slogged herself in office while i njoyed myself in class... lotsa of time when i have to cancel my class when things cropped up in office and hence my uncompleted class accumulated like mad and now i have to rush myself like mad just to clear all my lessons before my package expires mid of Oct next month. And the sales pp there are like chasing me class after class to persuade me to continue with them for a longer period of 1 year... i cannot imagine the stress of trying to clear my lessons everyweek... a bit stressful... and to think i can wisely make use of this spare cash for wiser use rather than on "paid" excerise... Hope i can discipline myself to excercise at 3 times per week on top of the weekly frisbee. keke... Tmr shall make sometime to go for their classes... at least 2 classes per sessions to clear all my "debts"... aiyah!!!

Have been trying to finish up my work everyday and holding my breathe to rush to finish classes this week but have been rather unsuccessful.. Out of the 5 lessons, i only manged 2... of both is of the same nature... KB and blast... esp blast is more shiong than KB (kickboxing)... Of every day i went off early from work, i make up with another day of OT. Where's my life? Life has been "bored" with uncompleted work... My project nearly drained off all my energy and definitely my boss... since she work til quite late everyday, while i still set some time for my amore lessons, of course at the expense of my lunch time lor... =(

Just wanna let it out from my bottom of my heart.... has been bothering for quite a while... My team-mates have this strange habit of chit-chatting and gossiping during normal working hours and then work OT to finish their work... of course they wont find it troublesome since they can easily claim OT mah and work late into the nite... But it certainly messed up my working and i dont wanna let work control my life-style and i want to have a balanced life... If i'm rushing something, i will just plugged in my radio and buried myself in my task or i just simply got distracted... Not that they talked silently... the volume of their conversation can blow down our office partitions esp the SQS and the QS sitting beside each other.... wah liao, some more talking so loud in front of my assistant director(AD) and sometimes gossip of my AD in front of my AD but cleverly said until like not targetted... somemore his office is just in front of our working cubicles and our office is very "open-styled". and he doesnt mind our chit-chatting during daytime and approved their OT at night... Not fair, but do i have a choice??? Just recently, one of the QS complained that she didnt have any assistant in helping in her condo tender and she got 1 recently... How abt our "big" proj with 2 person slogging and yet months of requesting turned into deaf ears... Every1 in my team knows that my AD is a very biased person, but sometimes he's overboard... Like a chinese proverbs "san liao bu zhen xia liao "croaked"... all these clearly in my team.

But 2 of them was expecting a handsome guy as our HR told her... but when he came... they were super disappointed.... then i realised that it's not our ability, but are judged by looks... for this 2 QSs lah... Yo, quite disgusted with both of them... no prob with their good looks and ability, but to judge on some1 on looks before he can proves himself/herself quite unfair to that person lor.

I'm cannot said too much here... but anyway, have been in my company for almost 2 years... have see how people changed.... for better and some for worse (i dun refer to their work but personal)... esp after they gained the recognition from their boss/promoted... some become super proud... like we no longer on the same level... so better dun hang out w u... but i do met pp who still remained humbled even after their promotion...1 very good example was 1 of my "tan de lai" colek... shall not named her here.... just in case... at first when she came, she's very humbled and often sweet-talked to 1 of our SQS for help so that she could get help easily.... but now she talked as if she's knows a lot than our SQS and sound like the team cannot do without her... i mean success dont built on only 1 person's hard work... but... does people search for fame and reputation and guarded with their own lives??? Used to be quite naive of people, but now as i opened my eyes and see the ugliness of pp... jus saddens me lor... Things dun look as rosy as before... but the only beautiful things that i look is from God's perspective instead of mine... Work as a consulant QS can be stressful beyond my ability to cope and hence i do fell into the trap...

Have opportunity to talk and listen to a colek's grumblings... (not the same team as me) but we still talked... times she shared of dreaming of work and cried in her dreams.... that's how stressful can be when got new proj, bz preparing tender and contract documents... can burned a lot of midnite oils.... when have got to get used to that... a lot of my coleks have sacrificed quite a fair bit of their social life for work... but good thing, they got attached before joining this firm or else they will get attached to their work... very common saying in my company... Hopefully i wont get myself attached to my work... =(

Shall stop here... in case cannot put brakes on it. hehe.. =)

Yesterday i laze around at home until late afternoon... went shopping w my old time fren... Oops, i tried quite some dresses and skirts and after all this while, i tot that it's only a short while...and when we come out of the shopping ctr, realised that it's past dinner time... i should say my timing... w my stomach having battle inside... Time as i realised just recently, passes so fast that sometimes when i just finish one task, oops, just 1 hr plus has gone by... yesterday shopping was a really good example... aiyah, tried only less than 10 pc took me few hours... wah, think i was quite stressed up yesterday for trying to find one suitable pc. anyway, it's been quite a while since i last shopping... shopping for clothes...

Recently found got a really bad habit of mine, shopping at those cutie shops like Mini-Toons, Action City and stuffs like that when i'm super-stressed during work... Most of the times, i just window-shop but there are times when i will spurge on myself. Eh, waste money... but tried not to over-spend leh...

I was quite tired this week, from over-working and high expectations from my boss... Body going to give way soon... went for a blood test for suspected early stage ..... from my company doc... then to know later it's okay... not the tramatic experience from the doc's diagnosis but the remarks from boss... aiyah... Now we studying on the life of Joesph, and seeing thru his sufferings and later God uses him during the suffering period and use him to become a blessings to a lot of people encourages me a lot... but then it's just that my mind cannot convinced my heart... Had a really big quarrel w boss... just told a fren that i might be fired for doing and saying the wrong things at the wrong timing... aiyah... Things just dun go right this week... Hopefully next week will be better... as i continue to strive to become a better person w help from God. =)

Trying very hard to keep awake.... Yawning.... super tired, yet i have to go back office to finish up my uncompleted work due on Monday morning. and hence i'm using double the speed and time for me to do at my normal working rate for the same amt of work. =O taking a very short break now... hehe..

Was very glad that i'm finally do what i wanted for quite a long time, that's to go for the 1 1/4 days "JE"... after missed 2-3 times of taking back the brochures and left the brochures at home to collect dust... Was indeed a refreshing and meaningful time at the 1 and 1/4 day of JE retreat... and seeing my ugliness as compared to God's holiness... and some of the issues that i have swept under the carpet... etc... etc....

Okay, time get back work.

Yeah... wanna blog this quite some time ago since i bought the latest SOP CD which i got it at the Queenstown Chinese Methodist Church where the Streams Of Praise (SOP) guys came to worship with our basic Live here in 1 of the 3 churches here...

Was touched by one of the song which i grow to like it, not because of the rythum but rather it's lyrics. Here it's goes... only the chorus part...

"我记得你说你爱我 不论往何走你仍抱着我
泪光中似乎看你的脸 原来你一值在我身边
我愿意让你来爱我 不愿一个人好孤单地走。。。。。"

Meaningful right??? The title of the song is Just Like heaven... 1st song from SOP Music Ministry 11. Was quite touched esp on the part where the lyrics bolded in red... Times when i just couldnt grasp where's God and struggling... God's w me all this while.... Never would i expect God to abandon me... The God i know is not someone like that... though it's hard for my head to communicate the truth to my heart but the truth is truth. Think i'm just like Jacob trying hard on myown, thinking i can help God at first with my own limited wisdom and understanding... and after which i realised that i needed to trust God.

I'm also excited about the coming weekend event,hmmm i'm quite laid-back this while so i wont need to purposely set a date which times when i allow my work to take priority loh.... just like my 4 team-mates who travel overseas, for some... 1st time... guess can feel their excitement... Today they departed SPG to HK for their 4 days break from work. With 4 of them gone, our team cubicle will be much quieter. Somemore, CT one of the SQS will be out for meeting e whole day on Monday and CL e other SQS, will also have a afternoon meeting which will end very late... plus as usual, my AD wont be in after 9plus for his usual meetings... yeho... which means i'm the only 1 left in my team on Monday itself.. but doesnt mean i can eat "snake" publicly" just except that i'm not under any "supervision eyes"... That's all... but i cannot find some1 to talk to if i want to.... Oops, Zhao Fun huh!!! haha...

Going to find something meaningful and purposeful stuffs to focused.

Had ever heard from one of the BSF's mate sharing that God will always answer our prayers in quite a special, unqiue way... Though happens to me, but today was like coming to me face to face... but i was too late to realise it until it's over... maybe guess the next time, i prayed such a prayer, have to be mentally prepared.... but i also learn something new about myself today... Have been filled up to every minute of my time in office... time seems getting faster and shorter everyday... perhap, it's me needs to adapt quickly to the changes in my team and my additional work scope... time to catch up...

Today was susposed to go for amore class, but when the time i finished, it's already quite late and i was too tired to move another inch. aiyah... Rushed to and fro from office to site and back office and wow, every time i travel to that site, super tired sia.... journey is really long... imagine travelling from the central to the extreme ends of Spore. i usd to, always enjoyed and always looking 4ward to site valuation, but when the frequency gets more and more... hmmm, the excitement seems dimmer and dimmer... but still the enjoyment of "site walking" was quite fun... Only me, and my coleks working with that client would know. hehe... Just now, my boss just reminded me of tmr meeting which she reminds me to remember... well, i think i have to accept the additional workload... quite stressful sia...

Today said something which makes me regret... something which i have to master/learn... to think before i talk.

Just signed up for a 3 hour of Cardio Latino, Kickboxing and Hi/Lo Areobic... a event tied up by Amore with SCC... all because i was attracted by the goodie bag.... =) and now,i'm trying to get as many gals to join in this event... just that i haven extend the invitation to my coleks, close frens, church-mates... anyway only all female event... Yo, am going to really sweat it out that day...

Exercise really helps, esp during work... at least when i started excerising, i can focused in my work... =) This coming weekend is the Singapore Open 2006, maybe thinking of going down to watch... though this time round, we won't be participating... It's an eye-opener for us, being the 1st timers... though was trashed... but was a good experience for all of us who played...

Also looking 4ward to the following week too...

Few days ago, chatted with my co HR Exe, she's also quite a outdoor gal... ever she joined our firm, she had organised a couple of marathons aredi.... she thinking of organising to gather pp to participate the coming Terry Fox run, may join in to support the cause and be encouragement to her... since our staffs are really "workaholics"... aiyah... old culture can hardy change... but at least with new staffs is helping to change...

Have been quite bz with work this n last week, rushing thru all my work... yesterday i rushed thru my work... rush from places to places... was quite pleasantly surprised when CL offered to drive me there. It not like she's going somewhere, and it's along the way... Maybe she's just helpful lor. Anyway, it's quite dragful to drag along all the heavy documents around and the weight can break my hands... I'm quite thankful this week that my week has been quite productive and my work doesnt seems very heavy any more. =)

Today after a few series of meetings together and preparation and rehearsal, today finally we produced our ever first Hope mini "movie" production and using what we have learned from L.L how to make "chocolate bouquet" and to bless our CML. It was quite a hard work, for me lah... teaching and guiding the kids. Though it's quite tiring in control... salaute to CML who really very patient in living out their lives, imparting God's values to these little children... but in the end, it's quite fufilling bah... My second time in helping out in kid programs like this...

Hmmm, signed up for the "Jesus Encounter" with 2 dear sisters... though it's has been on my mind for quite a while, but fear kept me from signing up coz got a lot of ministy time which means i have to be open to my "dark areas" which i simply deny or just push them under the carpet as what the speaker yest said... quite common to me, as i tend to be more passive or just push them under the carpet and pretend that it never existed... Not very good for me, as i realised recently.... It's not just a single incident that make me realised, but over time. So this time round i have decided to go but then i dun wanna bunk alone... maybe i just not used to sleeping alone... hehe... so i need to find a room-mate, and e 1st person that came to my mind is __.. aiyah but i felt super bad of having to leave out... actually i wanted to invited her to be my room-mate but then i hesitated, then AH mentioned to me so hence i asked her instead... =( But there's always other chances in the future... Hopefully...

Today, we had a visitor joining us for frisbee today... he's a ex-teacher who happens to be a PE teacher... and wow, he's good man... quick reflex and good timing in anticipating the direction and speed of the frisbee... Weather also quite good today.

Finally, i'm able to put something in my blog...

Phew, just finished get all my stuffs for my contract stuffs done... Yesterday have to left it undone in office... and today i'm back office. Am ready to get packed and rushed down to "The Heart of the Father", today was 2nd day.. Hopefully i'm more ready to meet up with God today. =)