A Time to Reflect with Thanksgiving.

Ya, i was on 1 day mc yesterday approved by our company medical group... my boss has since shut up his mouth regarding my m.c. But yet, he can still reject my mc application for almost 2 weeks ago and the fact that he had signed on my mc, meant that applying thru e dalasnet should be okay... to think he also wanna reject my online medical leave application... went to HR this morning to clarify and dump that mc at his face to proved that he has already approved... what a double-standard boss??? think every1 who had work with him including those had left, will knew it very well... Oops, talk too much...

Anyway, i slept like a pig whole of yesterday, only awake when i woke up for meals / my daily doses... but since the medicine will take time to take effect to make me sleepyyy, esp e cough n fever syrup n tablets... took this time when i'm awake to upload some fotos from China... Yest my exec director treated us to a Indonesia restaurant for lunch, unfortunately i wont be there to "eat like a pig".. Suprising, all of the CAT2 pp all were absent, including me lah... CL on urgent leave, n J left office early just b4 lunch time coz she's not feeling too well... Overall, i dun think i have rest enuff...
Aiyah, should have open my lion's mouth and ask 4 2 days mc instead of allowing e doc to have his way since i got really high fever when the doc took my temperature (hmmm, if i would consider that 38.8 temperature is high enuff???) ... a bit of regret but... since i'm back to work... still have to work 1 more day and i will rest these 2 days. Cannot go out this weekend liao... if not my cough, sore throat, headache, will get even worse... my voice today super sexy, esp early in the morning, when i talk to DS.. she's also sick today... she's also having quite bad cough.. actually she had cough last week but it came back again... think due to the fact i might have passed the virus to her... she went to see e doc in e morning but as a PQS, her burdens are heavy so she has to come back to work after seeing e doc... still feeling a bit feverish... think my body is still very weak now, after heavy and super strong doses of panadol to bring my temperature down... Body is still aching badly... Just hope fever wont come back at night as it always visit me during night time... 1st time in my whole life, my temperature can rose up to 39 degrees celcius... Okay, i think my mind is still at it sleeping mode... kept repeating myself over and over again!!!

Yesterday night, woke up after afternoon nap, since got nothin much to do... decided to watch TV instead... actually, i will normally switch my channels to either channel U or 8, but since nothing much to see, i switch over to channel 5 and see what showing... and guess what... it's Singapore Idle "comeback"... Oops should be Idol... hmmm, i idle too much liao... haha.... Think i can be the Singapore Idle for now.... Oops... i'm not very used to sticking my eyes to the TV screen nowadays coz i think it's that period of working ot everyday n other commitments thus i'm not so addicted to the TV now... is it a good thing??? i dun know too...

But anyway, i managed hear some of the Singapore Idols sang and some of them are quite good.. with good vocals and stage presence... hmmm, maybe M... but e espression during the songs were quite terrible... i think beside u must hv good vocals and must have e idol looks... no matter how well a person can sings, but if she/he cannnot dress up/live up to that standard then maybe.... hmmm... No comments..., let the people decide whom they want to let one of these pp to go to the final 12... plus the judges' votes...

Today, had a conflict with my that boss again... if she had told me the urgency of the task, i dun mind "go thru the fire, also will bear with it" just to helped her meet her deadline... i dun feel good to see my boss do so many things by herself... not that i'm not willing to lend a helping hand but... aiyah!!! Now i really have nothing to say liao.... it's will be better to delegate all the tasks to your team-mates so that yr workload will not be as heavy and thus working will be much enjoyable.... i dun enjoy "fighting fire" everyday... i think a better way will be is to delegate the task earlier n emphasis on e importances/urgency of the tasks delegated down so that every1 will knew their where's their goal and wont anyhow kick the ball around... and end up at.... Oops... OWN GOAL... or before i can scored a goal, i'm caught "offside"... yucks man, i think i scored a lot of own goals these few weeks and the feeling sucks.... Can u guys understand how i feel? i feel like as if i'm e 12th player on the field right now.... Being a 12th player on the field is like as if i dun play at ALL... Okay, enuff of my complaints...

Tmr will be better, i hope... Ming Tian hui geng hao!!!

I'm having high fever which nearly cross e 39 degree celius, just on the dot as i took my own temperature before i visited my company doctor just now... My own body is aching almost every parts n the worse hitted was my joints... =(

Had fever very early this morning, was quite shocked to see my temperature was crossng e 38 oC, took a panadol but when i woke up this morning to go to work, the fever has gone.... so i went to work, everything was quite okay until just now, when suddenly my cough turn for the worse and i started feeling feverish... but still i had to continue working, trying to get my stuffs done before i went for my time-off today... though CL didnt have much reactions, but can see that she's much reluctant... still got lotsa of unfinished work/tasks undone and today is e closing of the tender... aiyah... actually cannot imagine the work i leave behind and have to get it done when i'm back from mc on thursday... also i will missed the lunch treated by my exec director... aiyah... it's sort of encouragement to all who have helped out in the BQ tender in some ways or another... though some like J, myself, CL were not involved in theb BQ but i guess S.B wanted to encouraged the rest to carried on as the construction industry is peaking up and guess more residential/commercial projects coming in the next quarter...

Went to that stat board which i mentioned last blog for e interview, though it's just a contract basis and they did offer the job to me on the spot, but guess the terms and conditions werent as attractive as my current company, and i'm quite reluntant to leave now... as i feel i can still learn from more from my current firm.... after actually rejected her e offer, the three interviewers were quite nice to offer me some practical advices... and what did suprised me that they actually knew the ADs there... i guess they too make a throughly research about me in my current team... Not feeling bad about it since i will miss the opportunity to upgrade myself, my current working mates and esp... hmmm, guess if i will to leave now... Though working with CL can be mentally torturing and super stressed up... but it's a learning process that i must embraced.

Medicine is taking effect and am feeling sleepy..
Shall head to my lovely bed to Zzzzzz..... =)

Ouch!!!!... Every time i touch my upper abs, i just dun feel like touching it, but feel so shiok to touch too... hehe.. Aiyoh, never realised the power of that machine until i tried it today... and the itchness after the machine shaking process... cannot tahan e itch... felt like a thousand/millions of ants crawling on my stomache... Ohhh, plus it helps me to release a lot of gasessssss.... yucks...

Attended the 845am service, for the past few weeks already and most of the time, i will go down to J8 alone and either do nothin, do BSF, QT or shopping.. Today fortunately i met J and her mum after the service at the road junction just as about should i make my way down or hang around church for a while as it's still drizzling, not possible that pp will want to wake up at such a nice weather... so chatted with J for a while, n she invited me to have an early lunch with her mum... It's really nice for her invitation, and i had a great time with both j and her mum... talking and chit-chatting... but J had to go early so we had our lunch chopchop with a lot of sharings... am really glad to be in their compnay today... for such a long time (Not that really), that i really njoy my lunch... it's good to be with really "real" christians who too has struggles and yet be real abt it... i mean got encouraged too by their sharings too. i do struggled a lot (not just in my spiritual walk, but also other aspects of my life too).

We had our frisbee as usual after a long break due to rain... it's our 2nd time we played... am getting rusty and lost of my confidence... kept throwing awkward throws or kept dropping my frisbee... outrun by Jache most of the time and i 'm really fustrated at myself not not been alert... Thanks to WL, who after the game, showed me some of the techniques and showed me my blind spots which i will never realised it... i didnt realised it until he showed me... Hmmm, i'm very thankful and grateful for his guidance... if not i will never improve as a player.. it's really speaking the truth in love which i will accept and strived to change myself to become a better player... Perhap i have become complacent after coming to a certain stage...

i too have ever entertained thoughts to quit sports ministry... perhap after i put on my braces, i will stop for a while... cannot imagine the pain of running too fast n hard on the ground.... by then, then see lor... Am thinking of watching the World Cup match between England and Equador.. but now a bit tired and to think i have to work tmr... perhap will give it a miss this time round... I too missed players who have been regulars yet for some of the reasons cannot make it...

Am going to stop now... will continue another day... Oh btw, cough is back again... aiyah.... seems that the anti-botics didnt really works this time round.

Today is e 2nd day that my direct boss is not in office, i dun even know what happened to her, is she taking MC, or 2 days of leave. Today started get worry, she dun even leave behind her instructions... what's she up? Even e rest of my team-mates dun know her whereabouts??? Anyway, e pp still waiting... finally i have to do sum thing today since she's not around, the M&E consultant's taking their own sweet time in their recommendations and so i have no choice but to call up that M guy, geena suan by him that we still haven received their recommendations... expect that to happen, my boss always scolded him... no wonder he always take his revenge on me... i dun mean him only... that's still others who after got my direct line, always comes after me to get things done... am i such a nice gal to work with??? but too much of such calls really terrifies me....

Since she's not around, i feel so lost... i'm not the sort who enjoys doing work on my own... freakie in taking charge... today a client called my d. boss, she my team pp transfer e call to me which i'm quite helpess in helping her since i only helped out the project up to the tender calling which after i dun even know any damn abt this project... and worse still my boss table is as messy even though she just cleared her table, and it really took me abt 20mins sitting at her desk, ramsacking her place upside down, below e desk. behind e desk on the shelves, on her desk... all places surrounding her place... thank goodness that all my directors were also out office whole day or they also on leave... if not i die die must get thing get produced or i think i will be genna left right centre upside down by boss on Monday and client... n i just couldnt find e stuffs that the client wants to be done asap and she also doesnt specifically stated when she wants.. and i cannot contact her... good lah, cannot get a single task done today except on my monthly PP and shaking legs at my desk. I have to be thankful that my bosses not around today.

Also, today since my AD, direct boss, Assoc D not in, one of my team-mate out on mc, e rest as if " Wu Fa Wu Tian", we spent most of the time, either talking or walk around, one of the SQS took her time chatting with her old coleks, e rest of the AQSs kept chatting non-stop for a while. one of the IA surf net and doing her email e whole day (Wondering if she not sian?)... today considered one of my most unproductive day... even got time to sms one of my fren, A when normal days, i dun even have time to look at my hp.

Just done with my washing, shall later go downstairs to watch my ever first world cup 2006 match between spain and Saudi Arabia. Guess score... i think will be Spain 3 Saudi Arabia 0 (No bets lah) =)

It's 10mins past 12am and i'm back watching the World Cup match between Ukraine versus Tunisia. The Kopitiam at the block next to my falt only broadcast that match instead of the more exciting match between Spain and Saudi Arabia. Aiyah, bai gao xin yi chan. Not many goals on shots, and mostly both sides squandered all their chances to score until the controversy penalty kick, actually i didnt see much contact between the Ukraine player and the Tunisia player, but still the referee still point to the spot... if not for the penalty, it would been a boring draw... scored by their AC Milan captain. Nope, i should say it ex-AC Milan coz he's moving to England next season.

Not feeling too good now... am quite feverish... just took my temperature, and it's already a inch to fever temperature, had tried to drink more "cooling drink"... hope that will helps....

Having bad sore throat, could even hardy swallow my own saliva, dun enjoy eating now... coz i have to literally squeezed my food down my throat, anyway it's already hurts so much that any nice food in front of my eyes also cant do much to increase my appetite... aiyah, just now about to leave office, had tried talking to my colek and found that my voice nearly cannot jump out... so difficult to even talk now... Hope that i wont fall sick, still got my CAT2 P.P. at my office desk waiting for me to finish and get the whole thing out by end of the week...

Finally, i found someone who can truly understand how i felt at work everyday... Problems exists, but do i have the courage to admit my weakness and boldness to tell the truth in love to the person that i have been working with... How to tell her without hurting her? i'm also struggling, if i dont do anything now, problems will keep surfacing up now and then... Unless the root problem is not solved, it will thus creating more unhealthy fruits... i have to be positive, no matter what it happens... but i just couldnt help myself... I have been escaping since i realised the existence of that root problem... am really a escapist... aiyah... have to dug myself out and face the problem.
God, help me...

Yesterday evening, i just couldnt stand it anymore... so i left office earlier... while i was in the bus, just remembered my ex-colek and a dear sister-in-christ... hmmm, so i decided to call her and pour out my heart's contents to her... Was very encouraged by her and of course the verses that she shared with me... She's really a wise person and i'm sort of enlightened by her sharings too... sometimes, when i'm lost and confused, she will be the first one who will came to my mind... I cannot help but to admit that i was indeed blessed by the friendship that God has bring it into my life.. how iam encouraged by her life, her belief, her passion to God and helping His people...

Just saw a posting by a public sect last sat's recruit section, also relates to my work now... was much tempted to send in my resume even though i feel that i have not learn enough in this company and not really keen to leave behind now... but it's been really a long long time since this stat board has been active in recruiting new staffs, might as well give it a try..... Have been wanting to work in a public sector since graduation... Not that it's quite a glamourous career, but i think i will have a diff working persective there (i think will be very different from pte sector).... But then i'm quite reluctant to leave behind that roots have taken place in my current company, friends... but as many have already left... but still i think i have not gain enuff knowledge, experiences as i worked there for about 1 1/2 years only. I still have not managed a project on preliminary costings... hmmm, i always find reason for me to stay... haha... Anyway, i have faxed over my resume to that stat board today... with hope that i wont get any replies... Oops...

Okay, shall not excites myself too much... am going to be sick already!!!! Took half day sick leave last friday already for cough and flu.. aiyoyo..

Yeah, today it's my first time at ECP with a fren whom i got to meet up once a year or maybe 2 times... She's a very busy person and so usually when i meet up with her, it will be either at cafes or fast-food restuarants... and it's really chop chop and finish... Actually she drop by my place last sat, wanting to meet up with me but then it was already quite late, as i'm also rushing out at the same time... aiyoh, so we scheduled to meet today at a unearthly hours at 7.40am to go to ECP to cycle, since she's too keen cycling and it's been long time since she went there the last time...

It was such a pretty sight that i decided to take few shots with my handphone camera, but it sort of let me down... just couldnt capture the color of the sea and the sky, instead of cycling, we decided to take a stroll down the beach... and there i took few pics and guess what.... guess what we saw!!!! Military helicoptors were hovering few times round the the stretch of the coastline, and it quite unusual coz i have been to ECP so many times, and this's my first time to get to see this coptors in ECP of all places... guess that they have limited airspace for them to practise so end up at ECP... aiyah!!! my fren kept complaining that they creating unwanted "noise pollution" where pp go there to relax... hahaha... Oh, i took a pic, but the helicoptor looks merely a dot in the sky and i cant post it using my " super old n slow" pc, since i'm using the pc in my room instead of my sis...

Anyway, since my fren got another appt in the afternoon, and she got to run an arrand for her client...i waited for her at the library for a while before she sent me home... Just woke up from my lengthly afternoon nap... hehe... to catch up with my lost beauty nap... a bliss indeed... dun have such privillege for the past weeks when i'm rushing to finish my l.s tender.

Shall stop here... hopefully wont rain tmr afternoon... it's been long since i last touch a frisbee.

Yeah, it's finally over... for now... The project that having it's latest tendering is over, at least for me to have some breathing space... Okay, still got stuffs to finish it off, the corrigendum by this wednesday... Waiting for tenderers to collect the doc. It was quite tiring infact, not because of the tedious work of being involved in a l.s tender, but also burning midnight oil everyday since last Friday night onwards til this friday morning 4.30am.... Think my body also sort of used to working at least 17 to 19 hours everyday... I leave home early in the morning, and normally finished work as early as 3am.... Of course, i do have side effects of staying awake and staring at the pc for such a long periods, now i'm more prone to cold, coughs, backaches and eye-strains... such as visions, shadows lines distorted etc... more prone to falling asleep easily...

until this Friday when the tender is finally out, so do my body.... I just couldnt tahan any more, mind n brain is dead... So i "eat snake" in front of my coleks, not even the tea/coffee can keep me awake any more... Kept falling asleep in front of pc... yoyo... Anyway, my senior also knew that, when she came back from her meeting and to her astonishment, all what i have done during the whole afternoon... shall not elaborate any more!!! Was of course was lectured/chided by her for being so un-productive... This's my first time doing on a tender, then realised that it's not that simple that i thought to be, every single item cannot to be afford to be left out any single item, or else the consequences will be dire.

Being first time get involved in a tendering process can be a humbling experience for me, it also make me realised how little i know/ have experiences as a QS... ( for now as a AQS).... i dun think i even qualify to handle my own project... but of course i'm thankful to have such opportunity... often during the whole process, i always tear-apart from my senior for making silly mistakes, asking funny n stupid/brainless questions... But the experience that i gain during this period i think will benefit a lot, such as to my msmt, of course... think which i used to missed out, after this... i had better understanding and grasp of msmt... which i hope will help me the whole process of the construction...

Often, i do enjoyed being involved in tendering, and sometimes, i do really dreaded... what am i saying... Just sudden dun dun what to say or write... it's has been tough on me, with the coleks that we have been working together for this tender... Not that i'm not very good with works, but since it's over, shall not talk it any more...

I got to say that thru this process, i have really learned a lot, not just my knowledge of my qs work, but also working with people, how to handle conflicts in a amiable way, how to restore broken relationships etc... Not that i have mastered everything, in fact i'm still struggling on improving and maintaining on my life skills ( which i think still clearly lacking in my skills)... Often, talking with my senior can really shot my blood pressure over the limits, i think party of my inability to express myself clearly, hence creating so much misunderstandings and confusions/conflicts... Sometimes, i too have myself blamed for understanding my senior's instructions too slow, thus makes her very angry with me... esp times when we have to meet tight deadlines... Had learnt stuffs like writting part of the tender documents, though i'm not involved in the msmt itself... Actually, i think my msmt still needs a lot of improvement... Anyway, since poly days, my msmt is the worse... haha... having only the privillege of my lecturer sitted beside me and teaching me personally while my classmates had already understand the msmt... Well, i dreaded msmt in school already until my lecturer (J.C) really helps me to fall in love with this subject thru a lot of his encouragements... both verbal and encouragements on my tutorials... often i do have to re-do my tutorial... always missed out simple items like deducting door opening, counting of joinery/ironmongery... and JC will always draw out in 3D to help me understand better... But Arch is not my archille, structural stuffs is... Oops, he had to often assured me that i'm doing fine, coz i kept making mistakes... over and over again...
Until i decided to give up on QS when i realised that i did not make a cut for a QS ( being not a very detailed person, thus i often i missed out items) and my fav is definitely not figures.... so hence, after my 2nd year, i do struggle making the "right" choice, either QS option or Pty n real estate option... Been in top class didnt helped much, since everyone (the better ones) will choose the more prestigious choice - QS... Only the lousy students will choose pty option... After struggling and much prayer, i finally make the choice of going to pty... though i dont really like it... But of course, being in pty class, had given me lots of time for my student ministry, such as cold - turkey, prayer meetings, bible study.. which i got chances to lead... Hmm while my classmates in QS struggled in trying to complete their BQ preparations.... I got my own life back, and i dun have to compare results with my ex-classmates which got lots of As and i... aiyah... i decided it will be best for me to get stucked at the bottom of the class list then to make myself suffered bacause of competitions... As a pty student, dun have BQ stuffs, msmts etc.. but end up with more presentations... which i dun really mind.

Overall, i'm i think i still got a lot of things to learn...

Yeah, me back from work... just simply too tired to work, n too tired to sleep so blog lor...

Had started doing a l.s tender for the last 1 1/2 days... am still struggling with it, party becoz it's my first time doing on a lump sum tender, even i did studied that in school... but it's definitely much more than difficult than what i studied in school... Then i realised how shallow my knowledge of being what's a QS... Gonna lotsa of things i dun know, from the basic of keying in the desccriptions to product knowledge, spec etc ( wow, that's quite a challegue for me)... actually got linked back to my measurement knowledge and applying back to the tender doc. Often, i have to tear down all my pride to pester my senior and ask her alot of stuffs, even though i think i'm quite a pest to her for the last 1 day, i'm quite thankful that she's patient enough to guide me along... and i have been diligent to learn from her... still got a lot of things to learn... n things to ask n clarify along the way...

Actually, never though that been involved in a tender would be fun as well, i thought that i would be rather super stressed up and thus wont be able to enjoy the process of being involved... quite a tedious process that i cannot be afford to miss out a single item... n being not a detailed person, i have to forced myself to put down to the every single items in my working sheets... n Oops, it's really helpful when i got stucked/need to refer back... it's a faster way to track... mentally quite draining... it's was actually my senior's suggestions... she was right in her comments that i'm quite a stubborn person... hahaha... after knocking into some hard walls, i think i better go some U-turnings before more hard-knockings on the way... shall do some soul-finding...

Of course, some1 whom i have to be grateful to for giving a chance to redeem myself is my senior... hmmm, though times, when i had disappointed her over n over again...

I would have to pick up from here and move on.... knowing that i can do a lot of things beyond my imagination and wildest dreams...