A Time to Reflect with Thanksgiving.

Felt like changing the color of my blog, think it's getting a bit sianz looking at the same color n font for the past 1 year... so decided to change but oops... i have sort of forgotten how to change and where to look for the relevant sources... so end up up, i decided to give it a miss... anyway, wont bothered me so much that i will die, looking at the same stuffs(colors, fonts etc)...

Church camp is drawing nearer and nearer... hmmm, 3 more days....pretty excited... and unprepared...actually wanted to stuff all my stuffs into my travel bag yesterday after dinner with my parents and sister... by then reach home was quite late and after doing my usual stuffs, it was too late for me to pack as my parents are in bed too. *Yawning* so tired... lazing around at Jache's place....

Feeling a bit better after pouring out my "ventiliations" yesterday... almost teared just now when we were reciting our H's vision/mission statement... D, pls dun be so emotional!!!

Just wanna shared how i feel about moving back to the "mother church" after a week of struggles in coming to term that the majority of the congregation have "voted"... A sense of lostness... y i said that...have been thinking... we have been out for about 4 years and since, i have sort of lost what's happening in the mother church. and going back, which service should i attend? Honestly, i think i wont be attending both the main svc, and there's no more CS, not mention the chinese svc... where should i be heading? Most likely we will be going to different services even when we can say go to 1 particular svc... but as we have choices, most likely that we will go to the svc most convenient to us... =( Personally, thought that i didnt hold of the ownership of the vision until we been told of P's decision, suddenly felt a deep sense of lost... where's our ownership... was quite sad that the majority of us chose to go back... arent we like the Israelites who after coming out of Egypt wanted to return back.... hmmm for us is... after few setbacks, we decided to go back to our "comfort zone"... have we not prayed enough? where's our commitments? Our passion for the lost? i dun know either...

If we are not faithful, then God will just take the fruits of our labours and give it to others...
We are starting to see the fruits of our labours, like bringing new visitors to our svc thru our ministries, (dun wanna mentioned now or it wont be over-exposed)... esp, for me after svc, one of our outreach, we starts to see visible signs that God's moving us forward and open the eyes of the residents to be more aware of our presence and seeing more regular players not from H... a.p, s.s... believe God's also working... lots of times when God work behind the scene, we cannot see so thus it very easy for us to say that we tired from our labour, but have we surrendered to God and allow God to work in n thru us...instead of complaining and grumbling.... it's been 4 years since we out to our mission land, it's quite a sad to see that it's so easy to lose a vision but once we lost it, it will be hard to get back... Had God really wanted us leave? Did we perseverved on or do we just let go when obstacles comes along our way?

On personal note, was quite disappointed with how pp reacted to their differences? Is is so hard to let go of the grieves (since the other is leaving), i dun know... Perhap i have not reach to that level of differences with pp... sometimes i'm felt a sense of injustice for p, even when he's leaving, pp can still feel indifference... Come on, do u want to bring all yr grieves/injustices to heaven and bring all those issues before God?

Our time on earth is too short for keeping all these grudges... dun regret when u about to go home? by then it will be too late!!! Loving a unlovable pp is not easy, but reflecting on ourselves, seeing how patient God is towards us, then after all, we ourselves are no saints... =P think will be much easier... i mean is it so hard to let go of the past? for me, i think i'm still learning how to, though not very easy... am too guilty of such behaviours as well... Hmmm...

Think 1 lesson that i have learnt from this espisode is..... have to learn to seive thru all the stuffs that went into my ears.... if not history will repeats itself...

Shall stop here for now...

Woke up quite early today at about 730 in the morning... despite that i dun really need to...

Didnt really slept well last night because of leg cramps n a dead leg again... not at the best of moods now... think i already/ or going to the deep bottom of the valley in my life... ( remembered a bro used to say that how deep is yr valley will determines how high is yr mountain) not direct translation/estimation.. hehe... hmmm....
still trying hard to face the reality... ( had heard from the news yesterday) should i say is good or bad news??? i really dun know... too lost to talk/blog abt it now... a lot of things happened in the last few weeks (personal life, work....) ... Argghhh... what's happening to me? shouldnt i take such things lightly, why i'm so affected by it this time? Maybe i should knock my head against the wall, so that i will come back to reality!!! haha...

But aNywAy, managed to put up the final touches to J's stuff today... end up having 2 sheets of paper, after realising that i cant paste my photo into my orginal "creation" Hopefully not a aweful one... haha...me also quite limited in my creativity... should be really for submission by this coming week.. =P Managed to rest for a while in the late afternoon, not a usual thing for me to do even when i'm very sick...hehe..unless the medicine really hits me hard... watched a VCD until i got so tired n surrendered to my body and headed for bed for a short nap. it's so good to sleep in such a "cold" weather...

Counting down to the church camp... left with 9 more days... yeah.. am glad that i have decided to go for this year camp.. even thought i been to the last 3 camps. initially i was pretty reluctant to because i have limited remaining annual leaves left for this year... but then... meeting up with God(specially set aside time purposefully esp from work) n fellowship with the h. pp... i changed my mind =) then... after i signed up...which it maybe due to the fact that it will be the last one with p n m family.

Yo, it's going to be weekend liao...hmmm, is it a good thing? Yeah, will be going to cycle/kayaking this sat at ECP... =) Went out to site yesterday, n had a opportunity to lunch n casual chitting with my pqs... went to the club house there to have lunch n she kindly give me a treat though it's not very cheap, appreciate her kind gesture...

Got nothin much to blog but anyway got time, so decided to put in something...better than nothing huh... =P Was still tired from the medication given from Doc, esp the for the cough/cold... *yawning* didnt have a good rest for the last 3 nights.... cause the cold/windy air at my home often woke me up sometimes/few times in the night when i sleeping so soundly, i woke up shivering... arrugghhhh!!!!

Aiyah, can't afford to fall sick again.... the m.c that i have taken is the highest in my team... broken the old record... Not a good sign leh...means my body's too weak...

Feel like wanna watch movie, but then dun want to broke my record of watching 1 movie in a year and i have watch 1 movie this year 02Jan "Kung Fu Hustle"... haha... can still remembered the date... and still maintaining the record... hahaha...

Okay, have to get back to work...trying to clear the stuffs for CAT2... b4 it's gets over-whelming again... n 1 more project to take on/assist!!!

Felt quite "lost" not because yesterday was BSF's last lecture/discussion for the year 2005... but because likely that i wont be in the same discussion group when we come back next year... so sad... =( to think that the friendships developed during the last few mths with my current BSF mates ...... i dun mean that we will no longer talk/shared but wont be as frequent as before... So missed the discussion, esp during the sharing of our daily lessons... esp J. her's sharing so funny(times we also shared of our struggles)- ASK, hmmm, it's really nice to know so many fun pp in my D.G... pp like e.w, Jo, V, etc... =( and of course to have such a fantastic DL... *sobs* know that i shouldn't be so emotional over such issue but... if it's just that 1... maybe not...

Evenings nowadays to blog is rare now... so any oppotunities in office, better grab lah... hehe...
Just walked past a assoc's room and i happened to kaypo and peep into his room thru the glass window, saw a book titled "give happiness a chance".. Was reminded of the lecture yesterday by the sharing of our c.t that joy comes out from our relationship with God ... hmmm, just being reminded again... my joy comes from God, and not based on any circumstances...while happiness IS... Hmmmm....

Another verse during the discussion strikes me was from Chp4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your request to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." and learn to be content whether in need or plenty. =)

Felt so guilty when i walked into the hall, knowing that my class lessons is quite "sparingly filled up" so decided not to join in the discussion session... =( but was persuaded by the c.adm that it will be the last discussion for the year... so even though i was late by few mins... of course i didnt make much contributions during the sharing time... arrugghhh, felt so terrible, knowing that it will be the last one and any more future opportunities to share... (but bounded by the rules) =(

Finally completed the whole book of Phil. but... :-
Just wanna let off my steam n frustrations!!!

Just finished lunch-in meeting with our assoc n director...phew!!! so stressed up... =( finally it's over... =) got 1 more project to assist.... hmm, good thing or bad... dun know!!! but... well, since got some time b4 i start work, decide to update my blog... haha... but have to join my colek go downstair (office nearby to digest our heavy lunch) ate 4 pc of McWings and stuffs...Stomach's full house...hehe...

Anyway, have to finish my pp by today, and rush down for my BSF... and i haven even finished half of it... die liao!!! my DL's going to kill me... =(

Met up with JL last saturday and had a good time catching up with her since i last met her in Jan this year, if my memory still working... =p Taught me the "ropes of life" and lotsa of stuffs... Have felt really blessed to know her, coz she goes to the extra miles to help me, not just spiritual, but other aspects of my life... like my spiritual mum...hehe... Am thankful for the friendship that God has made out of it under normal circumstances (yo, remembered it was she who initate the first move to know me). Just feel so good after talking to her, ya, coz she's also a very good motivator... Shared with her that friends who often go extra miles wont be easily find any corner of the street and she's one of them...

Just being ThankFul n very glad for What God Has bless and given to me... and as what L, my BSF class teacher shared, God can use any circunstance for His glory... and i could see too now... =) like Paul said "Be contented...."

Aiyah, what a long day and i still stucked in my office, at my desk trying to finish my last task before i break for the day... phew, just managed to finish my work... so thought of blogging... hehe... anyway not as if i'm alone in office... almost 3/4 of my team-mates still around... Just dun bother lah!!!

Tmr, will be out to site for the whole day, guess so... will be another long working day!!! ya, but better than stucked in office leh... =P

Will leave office soon... What kept me motivated still staying so late was not to meet the target of finish by tonight so that will be better prepared for tmr site valuation... but it's the songs that kept me going... thanks to a sis's blog got online albums ( from protest to worship, Phantom of Opera, Queens Park Melody, my fav piece also.. etc), n courteousy of a colek's ear piece... anyway, all parts of my body aching... gotta go now n Zzzzz...

Had been really encouraged by the letters of Paul's to the Philppi churches during his time as a missionary... first that Paul mentioned in chp 2 from verse 2-3 "Do nothing out of selfish amibition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourselves. v4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" Easy to say but when comes to actual doing can be quite difficult...

Ever since i memorized this verse when i was a student, had always in my mind, sometimes can be quite difficult when i focus too much on my self or on my own efforts!!! But Paul did not stop there instead he continued saying in verse 5-8 that we should follow Christ's example. "v5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: v6 Who, being in very nature God did not consider equality with God somtething to be grasped. v7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. v8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on the cross." So because of that, God exalted him to the highest place... (v9-11) Thinking back, i think i'm still lacking of having a servanthood attitude, but knowing that i'm still "under construction" product =) , i need not have to worry too much or feel so guilty... Coz God haven done with me yet... if only i continue allowing God to mould and change me???

Another verse that strikes me from Phil 3:10 Paul's main purpose even though he's almost towards end of his life, he want to know Christ and the power of His ressurection and the fellowship in his sufferings... " V12-14 followed by "Brothers, i do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing i do: Forgetting what is behind and straning towards what is ahead, v14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" I too wanted like Paul to forget what had happened in the past, and press forward... good or bad things/experiences, i will strive to have this vision in mind as i strain forward in my christian walk and not to stay put in my comfort zone right now...remembering God's not done with me...Things which had a hold in my life in the past shall no longer... my life mission on earth is not living by day but doing the things that is God's Focus, Christ-centred and Spirit-lead life... =) Okay lah, not so "holely" haha... but i have to be mindful and not let time passes me without me realising before i regret doing nothing...

Oops.. i kept repeating myself in the blog =p ... Time to get to my desk and started on my daily lessons...

Was trying to download songs into my mp3 player just now....but actdentally use the wrong media to rip into my music library and i have no idea how to transfer the songs into my MP3 player....

I'm almost to my limits liao...wasted the past 1 another half hour trying to figure what's went wrong!!! Finally figured out.... Arghh, wasted my time and effect trying to do the wrong thing but end up even worse!!! as a result, i ripped my songs 2 times... if u guys know what have i done, u guys must be laughing off yr heads...shall not said the stupidity thing that i have done!!! =P all due to my sis's pc battery die flat and as the results, everything in the hard disk all went into thin air.. and i have to reinstate everything back aGaIn!!! dun wonder the nick gotten from my HK trip is quite true... haha =p but anyway, maybe i'm just too tired to think now... hehe... a good excuse huh!!!

Yesterday, had a fitful night, just couldnt fall asleep...Finally when i'm able to go into the deep sleep, i had a dream... What was the dream about? It's quite errie when i think back... Actually i dreamt of myself inside a cafe/pub playing bridges with a group of friends (Just couldnt see their faces), scenes of different angles was shown with a additional shadows on the wall (reflections from the lights). i could see the face of the shadow very clearly... but..Each time when i try to escape from the shadow or run away from that shadow, i just couldnt shake it off, this repeats with diff angles of the shadows until i cannot tahan, then when i call out the name of our Lord, Jesus... then finally i managed to wake up and it's 15mins past 7am liao..... Never expected such things will happened to me... =(

Today, finally... managed to plucked out all my pride and apologized to some1 whom i wanted to do since last friday.. but.. never really make an affect to do. Quite a big struggle for me for the past few days since i dun say sorry as many times... (can use fingers and toes to count)... At least one load lighter in my heart.. =) well, time passes so fast and it going to be another break for me... since i have set aside from 1 to 4 Dec for our ch's annually event. Though i understand that not that many pp will be going, but should i let this to be a hinderance me from going as well? Look at the positive side lor.... =P it would mean more time with the Lord and opportunites to get to know the pp whom i never got the chance to get etc.... Left with 23 days to go..

Oops, needed God's grace to help me to cope with work's expectations and life's lotsa of issues and focus in life... Like what the book that i'm doing for my BSF... Shall blog my thoughts tomorrow!! =)

Just now suddenly got the urge to drink the Hoegaarden which i bought it at C.A.T.2. when i came back from HK. Shared half bottle with my dad. Taste not bad, after all, i have drank that before...hmmm, except where i drank i have no impression at all... =)

Well, just now wanna go online to chat with Na but i forgotten that i have deleted away the program...after a abt near 2 hrs of downloading, i found out that my win programme does not fit into the criteria that the MSN M.7 requires... Blurrrgghhh.... forget it..shall ask my sis's boy for the win xp home version when she's back home this sundaY. or should i change the whole pc? e pc so old already, time to scrap it away.. but then... Nuh, not that i'm very rich, doesnt use pc except checking emails and updating my blog. Not Going to Spend mY S11 this way...anyway, i have decided to visit dentist [hmmmm.... going to do something to my teeth =)... ] next year...going to burn a big fAt hole in my pocket agAiN!!! Time to sleep now...getting late!!!

Finally.....dun think i wanna go in details...brain is cracking liao.. =S

Think it's quite fun to travel with your friends or even ch friends because it is a very good opportunity to get to know the other person better, Through sharings, chit-chatting and our daily reactions to situations and possibly conflicts... it's an eye-opener that i have the chance to travel with both of them, as i got to see the other side of them. Good or not so good, they still the friends that i always treasured in my heart... =) That's y in 1 Cor 13.. " Love is patient, Love is Kind, it does not envy..." One thing that came to my mind during the trip where i learn from the Lord that "Love is not demanding but Giving"... another verse i happened to see in Eph 4:29 (think at times i'm guilty of doing, instead of building someone up, i went to do the opp, think it happened few times during the trip) think that happens when i put my sight off Jesus... Oh, i have to be constantly on my toe..

I shall end my thoughts from the HK trip here even thought they are quite scattered and not in order and missing out lotsa of details.BUT..
Finally really thankful again to be able to travel with SM n Nana. PTL for making this trip possible n memorable one. =) Okay, me getting a bit "lo so".

To be continued later... Will be back soon!!! =)

Finale liao...

Oh, b4 i continued, just saw something on my desk... the conversion table made and laminated by S.M. Hey, thanks for being thoughtful.. =)
Have almost forgotten the details... shd have noted it in my book(at least dun have to crack my head what to write down. Miss out details until i remembered...Oops..

30Oct,Sunday(whole day) shopping...Wake up today about 7.30am,as we took turns to bathe... but wake up abt 7am (had my QT by the window pane (full height) with a ledge for sitting down.. with mountains full view of my sight..Cool... Oh, did we had breakfast? We had chouchou mian (kindly sponsored by sum1) on the 2nd day. I dun think so as we had sim sum with Nana's uncle at one of the htl(the dishes were so nice n delicious) yummy... =P after which ah yan brought us for shopping nearby M.K. Walked n walked until my legs ache...

Oh, we shopped until midnight (almost to e end of our HK trip, both of them bought quite a lot of things as compared to me)...But thanks to someone who offer her service free of charge...hmmm, who's that??? Of coz, S.M. lah.. she really know how to match up clothes, also helped me to get some really nice clothes and nice comments from Nana... =) Thanks for helping me out. =)

Ya, had supper almost everynight or midnight... hehe...with both S.M and Nana.. No wonder i gain weight again...Blurrrgghhhh!!!! i like the sandwich "egg and luncheon meat" haha.. forgot the original name liao... SM tried to teach me how to order but aiyah.. i got defeated by my thought that C is too chim to learn...

Okay.. 31 Oct (Monday). Went out early to T.S.T's one of the shopping mall to shop...cannot remembered what i bought there.. hmmmm.. not a good news.. Had a late check-out and we are being chauffeured to her's uncle place. It was at H.V and have a excellent view of the island... dumped our things at nana's uncle place and had dinner at the Times Sq and after that we went to The Peak... Gruugghhh, so cold. (i mean the wind)... the viewing tower is under going a renovation until 2006. Think the scenery at night is really nice except my camera cannot captured.. Taking up the tram reminds me of the ride at the Space Mountain. quite scary when i think of the tram dropping down real fast... okay. too much of that!!!

Touched the land of Spore last night at about 8pm, and my vacation HK trip has at come to an end. =( "sob sob" So missed the cool weather and of course, fellowshipping with my buddies cum sis-in-christ:- SM and Nana.

Special thanks to God for His providence during the trip and even before we depart for HK... or should i say that it's partly due to the fact that SM and Nana are the same industry so any good lobang they will be among the 1st few to know... =) but anyway, it was a really a rest and relax kind of vacation..wake up not very early and sleeping late at night... definitely not for shopping...

A recap of what have happened during the 5 days at HK (for those who's interested the happenings there)

28Oct(11am) Took a SQ flight to HK
28Oct(3-4pm) Collected our baggage and waiting for the airport shuttle bus to ferry us to Langham Pl Htl
28Oct(5-6pm) Reached htl and checked in and make our way to their work HK working alliances office.
28Oct(6.30~8pm) Had wanton noodles for dinner.
28Oct(8pm~12m.n) Went down to the Lan Kwai Fong and shopping around the htl and settle down back in our nice with fantastic view of the HK island. (since our htl rm is at 33 storey hi)

29Oct (whole day): Disneyland.
Yo, today Nana's cousin, A join us for the Disneyland... Cool, today the weather was much cooler as compared to the first day where it's about 30d.C We had a lot of rides, but pity that we did not have time to try out some of the rides as time is limited... Of course i enjoyed some of the rides (even though i come out with shaky legs) haha.. i'm referring to the Space Mountain.. Was very fun screaming away, it something like roller coaster yet it was indoors. (Very fast and lots of sharp bends)Not forgetting that i terrified of heights. Guess nana and her cousin enjoyed themselves very much... since it's their 2nd time. Oh, i like the teapot, Buzz Lightyr Astro Blasters, ya the 3D show... so real and got drenched...hehe.. not very wet though and Carousel (Okay lah). =) except the jungle ride, hmmm, a bit lame (everything fake).haha..

Shall continue in part 2.